Once it starts....

Once it starts....it just never seems to stop. I'm talking about arguing with your bf/gf.
Ab and I have been arguing quite a bit lately and over such stupid little things.
Last night we got into a stupid argument. He got mad over something that he shouldn't have gotten upset about. It's soo stupid. He said a lot of shit to me last night that just made me feel like crap. One of the things he said was "you're treating me like one of your old fucked up boyfriends." So in other words he thinks I am treating him like shit because I think he doesn't care about me. I'll admit though that I was acting towards him like I used to act towards my boyfriends, but that's only because he was acting like one of them....aka.. an ASSHOLE! He tells me that these fights are stupid, immature, and just dumb. I agree with him but why the hell do we keep arguing then. I just don't get it. I really think that once you start arguing with your bf/gf, it just never ends. And I'm not dealing with that this time....

I don't need to deal with it. He says he hates making me upset and doesn't want to argue with me because it just hurts him when he makes me upset. But he truly has NO idea how much it actually hurts me when I argue with him. I dealt with it too much in past relationships and I don't wanna deal with it in this one. He's nothing like my ex-bf's, and so this relationship should be different..I should be happy...

I know that part of it is might fault. Yeah I do start arguments sometimes because I am in a shitty mood or whatever. But I try my best to avoid it.

He also told me last night that the only time I am nice to him is when he is upset when we are arguing. Like fuck...if that's what he truly thinks, then is this all just a waste of time since I am never nice to him?

Boring.

So since I have an hour before my next class, and nothing else to do I figured I would update this blog of mine.

So last week Tuesday I was feeling pretty sick, and was feeling even worse on Thursday so my mom took me to the clinic. I got sent to be tested for mono. The results came back negative though. Which is awesome. But I am still in pain, which I am just suppose to continue taking advil for, since according to the doctor there is nothing wrong with me.

This weekend I didn't do much. Ab came over for a bit Friday night. Saturday I went shopping with my parents all day. Yesterday I just studied pretty much all day. We had family over for dinner last night, but I wasn't able to spend any time with them beause I had to study the entire time. Then later on Ab came over. Ever though I told him that I didn't want him to come over. I was in a crappy mood and just didn't feel like talking about anything, but he insisted on coming over, and when he did all that happened was we just got into a stupid fight. We were talking about everything, I was upset, he got upset and we just started arguing over stupid things. So then finally I just told him to go home, so I went downstairs with him, and instead of leaving he went and talked Brad. So I went back upstairs to my bedroom and finished getting ready for bed. If he didn't want to say by to me, that's fine, Brad could let him out. So I was pretty pissed off at him. And I knew that he was pissed off at me too because he drove away from my house pretty quickly. So I called him because I knew that he was upset, and he just told me "it's fine, I can deal with it." Which is what he tells me everytime that he is upset. He expects me to always talk to him when something is bothering me, but then he doesn't feel that he needs to do the same. He just tells me "I can't think right now, there is nothing going through my head." Which I know is just a lie because he doesn't want to talk about stuff. So if he is going to continue being that way, well I am gonna ask the exact same way back to him. He actually said me last night "I don't care, I just don't care right now." I never thought I would hear him say that to me. We'll be fine though....I think.

Anyways today I gotta go home and study for my 2 tests that I have tomorrow, and take my brother to the doctor. Maybe Ab will come over for a bit too so that we can try to talk about shit.

Well that's about it. These blogs are never exciting anymore.

Seeya

It's been a while!

So I know that it's been a while since I last posted, and I really apologize. I haven't posted because of a combination of a few things......no time to post, and nothing to really post about.

Soo hmm what happened the last week and a half..... NOTHING! Well pretty much all that has gone on is school, school, and more school.
This past weekend, Friday night I went out with Jamie for a bit. Then saturday night Ab came over and hung out. And sunday I just studied all day. I actually got quite a bit of school stuff accomplished.
This weekend will consist of hmmm....Hanging out with Ab friday night, family dinner thing satuday night, and sunday probably studying. I have 3 tests this week comming up.....1 on monday, 2 on tuesday. It's pretty good though..I am caught up on my readings for most of my courses.

Nothing else to really say. Except I am getting sick and it is not cool!!

Well class is just about to start.
See ya!!

Turkey Weekend!

Hey you! Yup you..
Haha.
So I realized once again that I really don't update very often.
This week has gone by pretty damn fast. I didn't realize that I updated on Monday, and that it is already Friday. Oh wow.

Turkey weekend!!!! I get 2 turkey dinners this weekend. Ohhh yeah! Sunday we are going to my aunt's house (mom's side of the family). It'll be alright I guess, we never really see that side of the family. And then Monday my mom is cooking dinner, and a few people are coming over. Probably my grandparents.

So Hmm update of the week...
Tuesday I had a test, and I am pretty sure that I failed it. It was a hard one. I was just guessing on a lot of the questions cuz I had absolutely no idea what the answer was. I should be getting my mark back pretty soon, hopefully today.

Wendnesday I woke up with a horrible migraine. I didn't go to school. I went back to bed at about 6:45am when I decided that I shouldn't go to school, and was in bed sleeping on and off until 1pm. And then I got up and went downstairs, took tylenol and gravol, and went back to sleep for another hour and a half. hahaha. It finally went away for the most part, and then I started getting it back later that night. And I have had headaches on and off ever since then. I called cranial clinic yesterday, but I can't go until next Saturday, so that pretty much means a week of headaches. Oh well.

Today I am going to hang out with Kenny after school at the Gate. And then going to chinook for a bit. Then head over to my dad's work (my old work), so that I can visit some of the people. Yes there are a few people there that I miss and I wanna go back and see. My dad tells me that they all miss me too. Hahaha

80 days till I leave for mexico. I am pretty excited. I want to be able to just get away for a while. We are going December 27-January 6. Yippppeeee!!!!! Ab isn't too happy that I am going, and well neither are my parents. Oh well. They will be fine and get over it. hehehehe And I will just make sure I spend time before I leave, and lots when I get back.
Jenny is going back to newfoundland for christmas for 2 weeks. She leaves December 14th, and comes back December 27. (I leave in the morning, she comes back at night). And so with her being gone we will miss her birthday (december 22) and miss celebrating christmas with her.
So last night Jenny, my Mom, and I decided that we going to celebrate Jenny's birthday on December 11, and celebrate Christmas on January 7 (when I get back from Mexico). Hahaha New holidays!

Thing's are going better with Ab. We had a good talk on Wednesday night. And last night when I saw him when I went to go pick Brad up from work, everything was good. So that does make life better. :)

Anyways, I am in class, and I should really pay attention even though it is only Business Law class.

SEE YA!

It's a never ending cycle of sadness..

I am tired of feeling this way day after day, week after week....

I am tired of life....tired of school, tired of having a boyfriend, tired of having family, tired of not having any close friends...

But it's a way of life, and maybe I should just get use to it and deal with it...
Hmmm

School is really frustrating right now. Although I did alright on my tests last week. I think I could have done better if I wasn't so stressed. But I did pass them all and got above 65% on all of them so I suppose that's what really matters. I have a test tomorrow though and I don't know how to do one of the really important questions....I try to pretend that I just don't care about it, but I know I really do. It's frustrating when the answers to the questions you have in your notes, are different from the answers to the exact same questions that are on the internet on the textbook solutions website. It's pretty damn hard to learn anything when that happens.

I'm tired of dealing with this relationship. Don't get me wrong....Ab is a wicked guy. He is always there for me when I need him, and I know that he cares a lot about me. I care a lot about him too....but I just don't want to deal with all of this right now. His parents are too controling of him and it's affecting our relationship. We live 2 minutes away from each other and yet we only get to see each other once a week!!! And when we do actually spend time together his parents are calling him too many times to even count. He always tells me that he misses me and he wants to see me, and then he tells me that he can't see me. And I can't deal with that...I don't want to think about being able to see him and then not getting to see him. I am sure that his parents hate me, even though they haven't met me yet. I told him his tonight, and he told me that it was stupid to even think that. But I am sure of it. And it's probably because I am white...... But I've dealt with it before..I think I can deal with it again... I hope though as time passes his parents will be able to like me. I hope they can see that I am a good person.

My mom got pissed off at me tonight because when she decided to finally cook dinner at 9:00 I didn't want to eat. And then she got pissed off at me because I had my music too loud and there was too much bass. Well fuck off...deal with it!!!!!

I feel as if I don't have any close friends anymore. Actually it's not just a feeling..it's pretty much the truth. I don't have any one that I can always depend on to be there when I need them. Jamie I know you are going to read this and think some horrible thoughts...don't though. I love our friendship, but I am not as close to you or Amy or anyone else for that fact as I wish I was. And it's just because of life. Because of growing up and moving in our own directions...and it all makes sense..it's just hard at times when the only person I have to really talk to is Ab, and at times I just don't want to talk to him, like tonight for example.

Well I suppose that's enough crap for this post.
I know you were probably expecting or at least hoping for some happy post, but sorry I just couldn't make it happen.

Good night. I must go study a little more for this test that I know I am only going to fail.....